Second open mic night status: Complete.
It was fun!!! I didn’t even bomb, so yahoooooo!!!
Prior to heading up to Billings I was a pretty cool cucumber. I was thinking to my little self, “Ya know what, self? This isn’t so hard… It’s just a little open mic night and it is totally no big deal. I am not even a little bit nervous.” I might as well have been wearing a black leather jacket with the collar up, smoking a cigarette, and leaning up against a motorcycle while rebelling against something for no reason, that’s how cool I was.
Then we got to Bones Brewery early. This gave me an amazing opportunity to stare at the stage while playing the many scenarios in which I could humiliate myself on a constant loop in my brain. Oh brain, how many times will you betray me this way???
I sat there with my wonderful, supportive, and beautiful friends, getting so nervous I couldn’t feel my hands… Have I ever mentioned that when I get really nervous my hands get these weird zinging sensations and kind of go numb? Yeah, it’s a really great coping mechanism. It helps me focus on the fact that I am freaking out so much that I can’t feel my hands anymore. It’s sort of a zen thing.
Thank God I was the third person onstage because if I had been on any later I might have needed a paper bag to breathe into.
I don’t really remember much of being onstage, much like the last open mic… I assume this is also a coping mechanism. Sort of like how amnesia protects your brain from information it can’t handle. My lovely friends told me I did a good job, and even though they have to tell me that because they’re my lovely friends, I am choosing to believe it.
I feel like I had a better handle on things this time and my material was better. Also, my outfit was pretty awesome thanks to Gina’s sassy black shirt and some super strength spanx. I was absolutely determined not to use my notes and I caved and ended up looking at them…
Oh don’t look at me that way! I know! I know! I shouldn’t have done it, but I panicked and looked at them. I’m like a note addict, and even when I don’t want to use I do it anyway because I just can’t help myself… I need a read of those sweet, sweet notes. Ug.
Now I didn’t mean to keep you waiting… I mean, I’m sure you’re all in the throes of suspense just hoping I’ll talk about what song I walked out to for this open mic… When I left town I still had no idea what song I would choose, so Gina and I used a very precise and careful selection process to determine the perfect song. And by that I of course mean we went through our iPods until something struck our fancy. We landed on the song “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry. I’m sorry Mom, I know you don’t approve, but it’s a catchy tune!!!
Do you think they had it? No they most certainly did not. Okay, that’s fine. I would have tried to pick a different one, but at that point I was too nervous to talk to anyone about anything. Instead, I just comforted myself with the thought, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is not accidentally passing gas.”
I spun the music roulette and would you care to know what song it landed on???
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper.
What the hell!?! Another song about girls??? I WASN’T EVEN WEARING MY BIRKENSTOCKS!!! Listen, I know I am a girl, but really, that’s all we can come up with?!? Plus, how did they know I wanted to have fun??? I could have been there to tear some sh*t up for all they know.
I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much. I mean, I did get the chance to go onstage and attempt to crack wise. I’ve gotten to do it twice! My dream come true! So, regardless of the fact that I apparently come across as some sort of powerhouse of girl-dom worthy only of gender-related music, I had a fabulous time at my second open mic. I’m so damn lucky!
Oh, and here’s a picture of me!
I hope you have a wonderful week my friends, and may the roulettes of your life land exactly where they belong.