It’s All About The Girls

Second open mic night status: Complete.

It was fun!!! I didn’t even bomb, so yahoooooo!!!

Prior to heading up to Billings I was a pretty cool cucumber.  I was thinking to my little self, “Ya know what, self? This isn’t so hard… It’s just a little open mic night and it is totally no big deal. I am not even a little bit nervous.”  I might as well have been wearing a black leather jacket with the collar up, smoking a cigarette, and leaning up against a motorcycle while rebelling against something for no reason, that’s how cool I was. 

Then we got to Bones Brewery early.  This gave me an amazing opportunity to stare at the stage while playing the many scenarios in which I could humiliate myself on a constant loop in my brain.  Oh brain, how many times will you betray me this way???

I sat there with my wonderful, supportive, and beautiful friends, getting so nervous I couldn’t feel my hands… Have I ever mentioned that when I get really nervous my hands get these weird zinging sensations and kind of go numb? Yeah, it’s a really great coping mechanism.  It helps me focus on the fact that I am freaking out so much that I can’t feel my hands anymore. It’s sort of a zen thing.

Thank God I was the third person onstage because if I had been on any later I might have needed a paper bag to breathe into.

I don’t really remember much of being onstage, much like the last open mic… I assume this is also a coping mechanism. Sort of like how amnesia protects your brain from information it can’t handle.  My lovely friends told me I did a good job, and even though they have to tell me that because they’re my lovely friends, I am choosing to believe it.

I feel like I had a better handle on things this time and my material was better. Also, my outfit was pretty awesome thanks to Gina’s sassy black shirt and some super strength spanx. I was absolutely determined not to use my notes and I caved and ended up looking at them…

Oh don’t look at me that way! I know! I know! I shouldn’t have done it, but I panicked and looked at them.  I’m like a note addict, and even when I don’t want to use I do it anyway because I just can’t help myself… I need a read of those sweet, sweet notes.  Ug.

Now I didn’t mean to keep you waiting… I mean, I’m sure you’re all in the throes of suspense just hoping I’ll talk about what song I walked out to for this open mic… When I left town I still had no idea what song I would choose, so Gina and I used a very precise and careful selection process to determine the perfect song.  And by that I of course mean we went through our iPods until something struck our fancy.  We landed on the song “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry.  I’m sorry Mom, I know you don’t approve, but it’s a catchy tune!!!

Do you think they had it? No they most certainly did not.  Okay, that’s fine.  I would have tried to pick a different one, but at that point I was too nervous to talk to anyone about anything.  Instead, I just comforted myself with the thought, “It doesn’t matter.  What matters is not accidentally passing gas.”

I spun the music roulette and would you care to know what song it landed on???

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper.

What the hell!?!  Another song about girls??? I WASN’T EVEN WEARING MY BIRKENSTOCKS!!! Listen, I know I am a girl, but really, that’s all we can come up with?!? Plus, how did they know I wanted to have fun??? I could have been there to tear some sh*t up for all they know.

I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much.  I mean, I did get the chance to go onstage and attempt to crack wise.  I’ve gotten to do it twice! My dream come true!  So, regardless of the fact that I apparently come across as some sort of powerhouse of girl-dom worthy only of gender-related music, I had a fabulous time at my second open mic.  I’m so damn lucky!

Oh, and here’s a picture of me!

I hope you have a wonderful week my friends, and may the roulettes of your life land exactly where they belong.

Ep. 11 Two Angry Breasts w/ guest Sarah Firnekas

Welcome to a very special episode of The Firnecast!!! The meaningful topics covered in this week’s podcast include such things as comedy cherries, how to get a date with a goat, the oddness of the goods in Alaska, Sarah’s bosoms, and much, much more… Give it a listen, won’t you?


Hello our darling, amazing, wonderful, perfect little pod friends!!! We are so so so very sorry to announce that due to circumstances beyond our control, we are forced to release this episode of the podcast a day late.  We will be delivering it to your little ears tomorrow afternoon rather than today.  We are so sorry, and please friends, get ready to download some Firnecast goodness tomorrow.  We love you with all our hearts and thank you for being so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!